Intention: days 2, 3, 4 & 5

Full disclaimer: I am brainstorming as to how to make this blog more interesting. I am just journaling for now and will come up with a legit format soon. :)

Spring Break was different for us this year; as we learn how to function as a family while Cali spreads her wings, testing her toes on the shores of independence. She spent a week on the east coast & loved every moment. My brother began his journey to Alaska, first spending some time with 'ohana in Washington, which brought sadness and excitement, as we visualize him across the ocean. For Easter, in lieu of baskets and stuff, we overnight-ed at our favorite spot on the Big Island, Kilauea Military Camp at Volcano. It was with intention that we decided to create memories instead of buy little gifts, realizing the expectations that I set with my children for what holidays entail revolved mostly around stuff, and typically in excess. Now that we have almost exactly a year left with Cali &  6 years left with Kawena at home, are faced with the reality that the time is coming when the influence of home is tested with entirely independent choices.

So as we packed up and began discussing our meals for the road, Kawena suggested we make Sunday our "cheat day" which we hadn't talked about yet, but I mean, yeah. She's been watching me do this. She's been listening to me talk. As it is, mom, so it goes. Do what nourishes your body most of the time, indulge some of the time.

The girls with their treat: Gyspea Gelato in Kainaliu. So 'ono!

When we arrived at KMC after a lovely drive around the island, we changed into workout clothes and hit the gym as a family. It took quite a bit of persuasion for Terry to get on board, which is frustrating [as in, ok, you know what we are doing, why the *bleep* are you making this harder], but the reality is this won't work without him. *conclude rant* While looking around at each of their faces in the weight room, I remember thinking to myself, "Man. This might be the last time we do this as a family of four. This place, doing this. All four of us." I hope that's not the case, and yes, I fully understand this thought will cross my mind more and more as it gets closer to her graduation. Kawena did good. She wasn't bursting with joy over the exercise, and her mind and body need to get used to the changes. She required a lot of pep talks in our 45 minutes there, but she did it. :)

Warm up--love doing this together.

So, there we have it. We started our staycation with intention to do what feeds our bodies and souls. We went to the gym, Cali and I went for a run thru the park, which is the first time I did that, and it was absolutely spectacular. We ate at the mess hall, conscientious and connected to the choices we were making and how we felt. Mindfulness. Kindness (internal voice to ourselves). Intention.

Revelation: Day 1

Last night, my 11-year-old daughter, Kawena, stepped on the scale that was sitting outside my closet gingerly, quietly whispering to herself, "I don't like getting on the scale." I was busy turning the bed down, settling in after a lovely and fun/food filled day and asked her why she was, to which she responded because she wanted to. As she steps off, I glance over, trying not to make a big deal about it, guilt grips me instantly as I see the number: 180.1. She makes a comment of surprise as I scurry into the bathroom saying tenderly to her something about that being "more than the last time, huh, sweetie?" Truth is, she keeps gaining weight. Truth is, in my health journey, I have left her behind. Truth is, I am guilty. Truth is, it's time.

I know Revelations is at the end of the bible, but for me, a simple revelation is the beginning of our story. I was an overweight child, teased throughout elementary school, ashamed of my developing body while internalizing comments friends and loved ones made without thinking of the impact. I starved myself during 8th grade summer, taking pride in resisting pretty much everything, only to face school mates spreading rumors that I was on drugs. I got pregnant with my first daughter when I was 16, relieving my starvation with uncontrollable overeating. My love/hate ideals of eating, and not knowing what to feed my body has followed me most of my adult life, and I have spent the last 7 years discovering what's real. I started a personal journey in 2009, weighing 171.8lbs. Today, I maintain at around 140, still aiming to reach my health potential.

All along, husband struggles with weight issues himself; first-born daughter has a different set of genes from her biological father which has kept her consistently underweight, while second-born daughter has been consistently overweight (now obese) since around age 2. Cali and I lived on little to nothing, often sharing what little food we had available since I was a [prideful] single mother until she was 2. Kawena was raised surrounded by family, abundance, and little restraint.

So fast forward to today. A resurgence of responsibility, an urgency to claim health, thinking of the little heart straining to keep up; the risks of heart disease, diabetes, and stroke. And it scares me. It makes me feel guilty. But it also gives me hope. There's still time. We will do this as a family; the only way we know how, so come with us as we share the journey. It will be happy. It will be sad. It will be exciting. It will bring us to places that make us really uncomfortable. But most of all, it will be inspiring.