Revelation: Day 1

Last night, my 11-year-old daughter, Kawena, stepped on the scale that was sitting outside my closet gingerly, quietly whispering to herself, "I don't like getting on the scale." I was busy turning the bed down, settling in after a lovely and fun/food filled day and asked her why she was, to which she responded because she wanted to. As she steps off, I glance over, trying not to make a big deal about it, guilt grips me instantly as I see the number: 180.1. She makes a comment of surprise as I scurry into the bathroom saying tenderly to her something about that being "more than the last time, huh, sweetie?" Truth is, she keeps gaining weight. Truth is, in my health journey, I have left her behind. Truth is, I am guilty. Truth is, it's time.

I know Revelations is at the end of the bible, but for me, a simple revelation is the beginning of our story. I was an overweight child, teased throughout elementary school, ashamed of my developing body while internalizing comments friends and loved ones made without thinking of the impact. I starved myself during 8th grade summer, taking pride in resisting pretty much everything, only to face school mates spreading rumors that I was on drugs. I got pregnant with my first daughter when I was 16, relieving my starvation with uncontrollable overeating. My love/hate ideals of eating, and not knowing what to feed my body has followed me most of my adult life, and I have spent the last 7 years discovering what's real. I started a personal journey in 2009, weighing 171.8lbs. Today, I maintain at around 140, still aiming to reach my health potential.

All along, husband struggles with weight issues himself; first-born daughter has a different set of genes from her biological father which has kept her consistently underweight, while second-born daughter has been consistently overweight (now obese) since around age 2. Cali and I lived on little to nothing, often sharing what little food we had available since I was a [prideful] single mother until she was 2. Kawena was raised surrounded by family, abundance, and little restraint.

So fast forward to today. A resurgence of responsibility, an urgency to claim health, thinking of the little heart straining to keep up; the risks of heart disease, diabetes, and stroke. And it scares me. It makes me feel guilty. But it also gives me hope. There's still time. We will do this as a family; the only way we know how, so come with us as we share the journey. It will be happy. It will be sad. It will be exciting. It will bring us to places that make us really uncomfortable. But most of all, it will be inspiring.